my brooding pessimistic artistic endeavors are starting to be noticed, though i am worried they do not go over well in the heavily surrounding landscape of hope, spiritual journeys and friendship.
-does it have a happy ending?
-well, the world literally stops existing in the end. so… no.
i attend parties where exotic foods are served on square ceramic plates, and i eat with chopsticks although the dish isn’t necessarily asian, but is organic and peculiar, where people talk about art like it is a lifestyle… and the chocolate is cut into tiny cubes and taste nothing of sugar…
-i made these plates myself. i found a red glass taillight in a junk heap and melted it into the center, see how it turned yellow and black here and here.
-that’s amazing, nicole. i draw pictures that look like gardens.
-we’ll get you on the right track. here, having some organic drugs.
i am, however, not happy about 4 am tear filled texts of missing from the girl with the cold heart from my past. i’ve deleted you from my life for reasons, i thought, and you are confusing my weak head. i believe i want to wrench out my eyes and slam them into your sockets and say-look! what the fuck are you talking about-and that you fit awkwardly into my new life like a doorknob into a keyhole. and i want you to know that i will continue to reply cordially brimming on indifference until you eventually win, but i am determined to pretend to fight.
meeting people who are great friends with people with 8 and 9 digit bank accounts is new to me, even stranger is how they adopt me into the fold, because i have shown a commitment to be artistic, and that is bold? uncommon? stupid?
i miss that amy girl, tell her if you see her.
what the fuck is this guy-sitting-behind-me’s problem? does it take 10 loud minutes to set a laptop up? it shouldn’t… how many times do you need to reposition your chair, how many fucking chords are you pulling out of your bag, 60? no, 1; maybe 2, but i’m not turning around to check, because my glare will not be able to hide my annoyance… also, iced vanilla lattes is my drink choice of the week…
it is so hot in the desert. really, it is. it happens that i can’t even sleep with a shirt on anymore…ladies.
demetri martin once said something like “you can make any innocent statement sound creepy just by adding ‘ladies’ to the end of it.” that’s why i did that… so for example, you all should email if you want to become better friends…ladies.
so as some of you know, i just moved to the other side of the country, and i don’t have internet up where i live, yet… so i have to bring my laptop down to the city and find nice little wi-fi places if i want to go online… so far i like it, because when i had internet all the time i would frequently do horrible things to myself, like check the girl-who-broke-my-heart’s facebook and write long, revealing emails to people i shouldn’t be writing to, but now that i’ve removed that temptation from my life i am much happier. i don’t have tv either, as a result i’ve been catching up on a lot of reading. people have accused my fiction of being somewhat sci-fi or even fantasy, which i don’t agree with. i understand why they say it, but i don’t want to be known as a fantasy or sci-fi writer, because a) that can pigeonhole a writer and b) sci-fi/fantasy fans take their literature seriously as fuck, and if i fuck up and show that i have no idea what i’m talking about (which i don’t) they’ll be all over me. but because i do sometimes lean towards fantasy or sci-fi, i’m reading some fantasy right now. so yesterday i read the first book in le guin’s earthsea stuff (because i thought it was supposed to be a classic) but it turns out that shit is bad, like i don’t know if it gets better, but i doubt it. maybe it is just compared to what i’m used to reading, but there was so much lack of quality in that book that i almost didn’t want to finish it. so after that i said to myself, “lets go back to some of that russian lit my teachers had recommended” but i decided to take on pullman’s his dark materials stuff (because that too was supposed to be a classic). and i’m almost done with the first book, and i have to say that it is truly fantastic. i’m sure it only gets better, so yeah, i am a fan of pullman now, i guess. i’ll finish his dark materials and see if i want to read some of his other victorian books.
i’ve been talking to riotgirl a bunch through text message. she seems innocent and nice, i’m certain i could corrupt her if we become better friends…
my tumblarity is down to 9… for about an hour one day a while ago i actually paid attention to tumblarity, and i came up with a pretty complicated, but workable formula for how tumblarity is probably calculated, except that when i equated tumblarity to economics (which i know nothing about) i quickly realized that inflation was killing tumblarity, and the system it is based on would probably bankrupt this site, because it seems like they are opperating on an infinite number of available points ($s) and then i started to crunch some more numbers and it got complicated and i decided that i wouldn’t post anything about it, because no one would care, but here i am posting this for some reason. anyway, if you want to know just the tip, tumblarity is based on percentages of expected and past performance, and more or less it subtracts a % of your tumblarity over a given amount of time. so with nothing done it will decrease automatically as a percentage of a number of different factors, and gaining points is simply countering that which is already certain. then you can see how inflation would take off, if subtraction is stable, but growth is unpredictable…
add me on facebook if you like my blog, and i can write you personal stuff, if you’d like… or you can email me i guess afish2@brockport.edu
oh! that’s right, so i have put my short stories and novel on hold for a minute, because i was talking to some people who know some stuff about movies, and i told them about my movie idea i wanted to write, and they loved it a lot, and they told me that if i can make a decent script they’ll do everything they can to help me get it made… so i’m writing a movie script now, which is easy, and strange and exciting. i guess i’ll keep you updated on that if it develops into anything…
also, i noticed that not being on tumblr has halted my write a little poem or two a day exercise i was doing… so i guess no more poems for me for a while…
there’s a lot more, but whatever
threads - THIS WILL DESTROY YOU
this is the best song i know. i saved it to say goodbye to you. enjoy.
